"You Just Know."

I remember it like it was yesterday.
It was August 5th, 2012.
Exactly a year ago today.

Married people are often confronted
with this question:
"When did you know that
you were going to marry your spouse?"

And there is an increasing number
of people who answer with these three words,
"You just know."

My thoughts in my single days
went something similar to this:
"What the heck does that mean?
How can you just 'know'"?

Let me just sit here and say,
as a former unbeliever of the saying,
(rather, more ignorant to it) that
I get it now.

My Jonathan and I were friends first.
We climbed together, played music together,
ate IHOP oatmeal together,
and shared our hearts together.

On April 28th, he kissed me.
Exactly 12 days later, I left for Africa.
I was gone for two months.
Our hearts were stretched over the span
of the distant continents.
But rest assured, love is BIG!
And God is GOOD!

Two months later I arrived home.
And exactly 10 days later,
my Jonathan left for Cambodia.
14 days later,
I went with his mom to pick him
up from the airport.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was August 5th, 2012.

Exactly a year ago today.

We'd only been in the same
country for 34 days.
And thirty-four days is all it took.

He stepped off the plane he'd been
on for 30 hours.
No sleep.
His curly hair like a train wreck.
His eyes were blood spot.
His body in need of a shower
from being in a third-world country.
He was exhausted.
He was worn out.
He was spent.

And in that moment...
"I just knew."

He had nothing left to give.
Because he'd just given
all he had to serving Christ.

Christ is Who brought us together,
and Who has kept us together.

My Jonathan is attractive in many, many ways.
But the single-most attractive thing about him,
is his love for my Jesus.

And God has been confirming
me for some time that this is the one.
And since that day in the airport,
I've never "not known."

I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was August 5th, 2012.

Exactly a year ago today.

Learning to Love.

Since befriending my curly-haired, 

rock climbing buddy nearly 3 years ago, 

to beginning to date him 

amidst both of our travels to 3rd-world countries, 

to learning how to be in a Christ-centered relationship, 

to a sudden heart defect diagnosis, 

leading to a new perspective on life 

and what really matters, 

I've embarked on a brand new adventure 

with my curly-haired friend on a journey of 

learning what love actually is and what it actually is not. 

Enjoy my newest understandings of the often 

misunderstood definition of love.

Love is...

Not a feeling that results in self-gratification, but a constant laying down of oneself obtained by a choice of an outward action resulting in inner joy that spills out into others and invites them in to experience something greater than oneself. 

Humbling yourself 

with a teachable spirit 

and putting on the willingness 

to learn new things 

(not always good things) 

about yourself. 

It's being willing 

to change the ways 

you've adopted as comfort 

your whole life 

for the sake the other person, 

yourself, 

and the relationship. 

It's being on the same team,

walking towards the same 

ultimate, eternal purpose. 

It's knowing when to listen, 

when to encourage, 

when to be honest, 

and when to just stop 

to enjoy each other.  

It's learning how to be selfless 

by placing the other person's needs 

above your own. 

And it's being graceful 

and understanding 

as the other one learns this, too. 

It is holding each other, not saying a word, 

and allowing the therapeutic closeness 

to bring healing. 

Love is sacrifice. 

Recovery Is A Process.

The words in the song
"All I Want For Christmas Is You"
ring true.

The week of surgery,
my parents asked me what
I wanted for Christmas.
And my mind literally
could not come up with a thing.

Yet, I have everything that I wanted.
Still, I look at my Jonathan
and think, "holy cow, you had open heart surgery."
Or I think, "that's my man!"
Sometimes I just breathe yet another
sigh of relief and thankfulness.

Today at church
Pastor Gary was talking about
the way God answers prayer.
Sometimes it's "yes,"
sometimes it's "no,"
and sometimes it's "not yet."
And I'm praising God that He
answered "yes" to the prayer
to heal John.
He said, "yes, I'm going to reveal
Myself to My people through
this situation."
It's amazing to me that God
has glorified His name
yet we've received a blessing.

I'll be honest,
recovery is hard.
It's hard for John.
It's hard for his family and friends.
It's hard for me.
It's constantly being aware
of the physical,
mental,
emotional,
and spiritual states of mind.

It's knowing when to be patient,
when to be encouraging,
and when to just listen.

It's almost mastering the art
of reading the look on his face
to know what he needs in that moment.
It's learning him.
And gearing up for a lifetime
of learning more.

It's knowing when to cry,
when to laugh,
and when and what to process.

It's still so crazy to me
that within 2 weeks
John was diagnosed,
hospitalized,
operated on,
sent home,
taken back to the ER,
sent home again,
and is now starting a
3 month recovery.

There's much to unpack
and examine.
I just praise God that He
is a God who cares.
And helps us in times of trouble.

Now for some Christmas pictures :]

New buffs!!!

Surprise visit from Frosty :]

Making cookies!!

Happy New Year!

Home Again.

Quick update:

John was released from the hospital
again this afternoon
and is home :]

They sent him home
with meds to continue
to shed the extra fluid in his body.

The doctors are hopeful it
will be gone in a few days.

Please pray that the fluid will stay off.
And there will be no more
ER visits during his recovery.

I am home now, too
after spending all of last week
at his mom's house on the southside.
It's nice to be back into a normal
routine.

Last I spoke with John
he said he was feeling
pretty good.

It's awesome to hear he's doing well
and feeling well.

Thanks for your continual prayers :]

Recovery Day # 5

Bringing an open heart patient
home is like bringing home a couple
of newborn babies.
Everything that seems funny,
is frightening.
You almost WANT to stay in the hospital
for immediate care if needed.

John has been thoroughly enjoying
being home and actually being able
to sleep through the night without
night nurses coming in to poke and prod.

However, he's been retaining a lot of fluid
from the surgery.
He's actually gained quite a bit
of water weight,
in his feet, calves, thighs
and abdomen,
which is crazy to see on such a
normally, little guy.

Pain meds are something that
must be given on time
otherwise John really struggles
with the tightening of muscles,
shivers, and overall stiffness,
soreness and pain.
Sometimes I just have to sit
and rub his back while
the meds kick in.
I hate to see him hurting!

Today the extra water weight
(25 extra pounds worth)
really started wearing on him.
Just before going to bed
Saturday night he started experiencing
some chest pain,
shortness of breath,
and discomfort in his torso.
It was also concerning as to why
he wasn't shedding the water weight,
given his age, how in shape he is,
as well as the few doses
of diuretics given to him.

The chest pains gradually
increased and grew worse.
After a couple of incidences
when John actually bent over in pain,
we decided to pack up and come to the ER.

After about 4 hours in the ER room,
they pumped him full of a more powerful
diuretic (through an IV)
and decided to admit him
overnight.

It was pretty scary for a while.
Being middle of the night,
all of us sleep deprived, with
uncontrollable chest pain.
John and I took turns praying
over him.
There was definitely some obvious
spiritual attack going on.

But, the nurses came in and gave him
an echocardiogram (ultrasound of the heart),
and concluded that John has what's called
a "left pleural effusion."
Basically, he has fluid around the sides of his left lung.
This can easily be treated either
with the stronger diuretic he's already on,
or by literally going in and draining it
through a tube. (minor procedure.)
We will learn more when the doctor comes in.

Please pray for this!
For continual healing, the pain to subside,
for the fluid to be released from his body,
for the fluid on his lung to make
it easier to breathe once it's out.
As well as for patience and endurance
for him and all of us during this
long road to recovery.

So, none of us actually have gone to bed
since Friday night.
And now it's...
Sunday morning at 9am!
We're sitting in the new PCU room,
(none of us really missed this place)
but honestly it's just nice to watch him sleep.
He's just so handsome,
and peaceful looking.

Sometimes we lock eyes.
And sometimes I can read what he's saying.
Fear,
relief,
tiredness,
pain...
etc.
Part of the beauty of learning someone.
And also another way that I can just
let him know that
"we're all still here for you."

UPDATE:

John is staying for another night
in the hospital.
They're continuing the diuretic
to get rid of the excess fluid.
We hope that once the fluid is gone,
he will be released to come home
again tomorrow :]

Please continue to pray for the fluid,
that it will be released from his body
so that he can feel less pain
and more mobility.
It's rough for him to be in so much
pain, especially coming from his chest!

Also, please pray that the fluid
will stay AWAY!
We don't want it coming back;
please pray that once it's
gone, it will stay gone.

And finally,
for this recovery process.
For no more bumps along the way.
But we welcome a noticeable
everyday improvement,
with challenges to be overcome
and conquered as well as opportunities
to build relationships,
including bringing J and I closer
together spiritually.

Thank you for your unending prayers.

Going Home!

John will be released from the hospital
within the next hour!

He's basically unhooked from everything,
eating dinner,
getting dressed,
then we're out of here!

He's being sent home with
a lot of instructions.
Do's & Dont's,
meds and restrictions.

He can't lift anything over 5 pounds
for a month.
And then nothing over 10 pounds
for two more months!
His sternum (where they opened his chest)
will take about 6-8 weeks to heal.
(Just like any broken bone).
No lifting his hands over his head.

He has an awesome new full-sized
bed to look forward to.
And lots of down time!

My Heart for Him.

Dear Jonathan:

It was at the Indianapolis airport

when I knew I wanted to marry you.

We'd only been dating for 100 days.

And 75 of those days, one of us was in another country.

You were coming back from a 2 week trip to Cambodia.

And I'd just returned home days ago from a 2 month adventure in Africa.

You got off the plane,

scraggly, dirty, and exhausted.

It was in that moment you were more attractive

to me than ever.

You were exhausted from serving Jesus.

And I realized that you loved Him just as much as I did.

It was then I knew what I wanted for the rest of my life.

It was to serve Christ alongside of you,

coming off of planes and out of battlefields

looking just as rugged and worn out as you.

It was in the St. Francis Cardiac Care Unit

Room #353

when I thought I might lose you.

Open heart surgery?

We'd only been dating for 7 months.

I never wanted to doubt God's goodness,

but what if the Name of God was glorified

more through bringing you home early

than through you staying on this Earth?

What if my teammate I was so ready

to serve alongside of,

suddenly went home?

I'll tell you what I love about you,

my Jonathan,

Your care.

Your laugh.

Your wild-heart.

Your goofyness.

But most of all,

I love the Jesus inside of you.

It attracts me to you like a magnet.

And does crazy things to my heart.

During your friends and family get-together

the Sunday night before your surgery,

I watched you walk up on stage,

standing tall and handsome,

Bible in hand,

thank everyone for coming,

and then encourage us all through scripture.

You are bold.

I heard your comforts

when I cried in your arms

the night before surgery day,

"God's got this."

You are courageous.

I heard your parents tell me that

you were quoting scripture to them

as the operating team wheeled

you into the Operating Room.

You are brave.

I've heard your prayers.

I've seen your obedient heart to Christ.

The very fact that you belong to Him

and He can do as He pleases.

You are obedient.

This past week I've seen your faith

walked out in a way I've never seen before.

And with each step towards Jesus I see you make,

I step with you,

and my heart weaves itself a little more into yours.

And that moment when we saw you for

the first time right after surgery,

you were still intubated,

unable to talk.

You were sedated,

unable to much move.

You began to wake up,

trying to focus because you heard

our voices.

Your hand started moving,

reaching out to us.

Surpassing all of the nurses

tests, requests, and hurdles.

As if it were nothing...

Your ejection fraction that's functioned

at 30-35% your entire life,

instantly jumped to 45-50%

directly after surgery.

It was then I knew you were a fighter.

And in these last few days as

you've began to recover,

you've never ceased to amaze me.

Your strength.

Your determination.

The way you fight through the pain,

and still manage to make us laugh.

You may not feel like a super hero,

but you are mine by far.

You inspire me to love God more,

to trust in His goodness more.

That His Will really is good for my life.

Always.

In your temporary weakness,

your faith is speaking strength

among the people watching you.

Your faith makes them strong.

And the Jesus in you,

is attracting them to His inviting arms.

You're already a miracle baby

who's survived the 10%.

You spent 25 years of your life doing

unimaginable things that most people don't

get to experience in their entire lifetime.

You shouldn't be alive today.

But you are.

By the Grace of God, you are.

And I can't believe God hand-picked me

to be with you.

I'm forever grateful

that we can share in this trial together.

Because it produces perseverance.

And will make us stronger together

for future mountains.

Whether we're climbing them,

or asking them to move.

Same team,
Alisha.